You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
