Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
