If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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