he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
