I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
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First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
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The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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