A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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