Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
