just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
