My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
