i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
