just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
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God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
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