Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
