I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Even my vagina gasped.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
