I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
