I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
