this beer tastes like vomit already
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
