Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
