too bad you live with your parents still
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
