I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
