i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
