Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Randomize
