That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I AM VODKA MAN
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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