I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I just got carded by a ten year old.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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