Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
