I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
