Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Randomize
