I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Couch. On fire.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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