smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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