You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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