I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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