Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Randomize
