I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Girls should come with a carfax report
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
