are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
