Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Still dying that you shit outside
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
