Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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