the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
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