If that was your dad, he is hot
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
