My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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