I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
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