I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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