I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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