Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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