I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
