I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
