If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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