Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
