oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
