I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Randomize
