I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
