Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
