eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
