i permit you to call me
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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