Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
