By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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