I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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