I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
