3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I love you. Go after that dick
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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